


Villain

by swtalmnd



Series: We Can Be Heroes (Just For Four Days) [1]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: First Kiss, Fluff, M/M, Writin' Dirty 2019
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-10
Updated: 2019-04-10
Packaged: 2020-01-10 19:29:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 498
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18414395
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/swtalmnd/pseuds/swtalmnd
Summary: Tony's lecture to a villain turns out not only to impress HR but get Steve a date.





	Villain

**Author's Note:**

> I don't even know, man. I think I'm coming down with something so you get what the brain will give, I guess.

"You know, queer-coding villains is pretty offensive even if you're the villain," says Tony, and Steve suddenly gets that the lady they've been fighting is actually a guy.

"I could be queer," replies the Purple Marauder, one hip cocked and heels taller than Natasha's. "You don't know."

"You've spent this entire fight staring at Black Widow's tits instead of Captain America's perfect ass. You're just an asshole," says Tony.

Steve takes advantage of the distraction to bean the guy with his shield, while Natasha winks at Tony and fiddles with the device she'd just pickpocketed. A dozen weird purple golems dissolve into sweetly-scented puddles, and Steve sags.

"Why did you say that?" asks Steve later, after the debriefing and a congratulatory message for Tony from HR.

"Because it's true?" says Tony. "Equating queerness with-"

"Not that," says Steve, face going hot. "I knew that. I meant about my, uh, me."

Tony rolls his eyes. "Your ass is, in fact, perfect. That's the entire point of your ass, to be perfect. Your entire body is perfect." His hands are waving near the parts of Steve in question, but he carefully doesn't touch.

Steve is as red as his uniform now, he just knows it. "If that was true, I could get a date," he blurts, and then he just gives up and hides his face in his hands in the hopes that Tony will let him die here in peace.

"Steve, I could get you 17 dates just by raising my voice in this hallway," says Tony, eyes twinkling. "Have you asked anyone?"

Steve sighs, shaking his head. "I don't know how anymore."

"Just ask someone out." Tony's hand finally makes gentle contact with one of Steve's shoulders. "No one's gonna slap Captain America for asking."

"You would," Steve retorts, the words coming out of his mouth before his brain can properly panic over them.

"Nope," says Tony, popping the 'p' obnoxiously. "I'd take you out for burgers and not let you leave my bed for four days."

That shorts Steve's brain out a little bit. He wasn't a virgin or anything, he'd been in art school for goodness' sake, but he still wasn't sure what he'd do with four whole days of naked Tony at his disposal. He really, really wants to find out.

"Okay," he says, before he can overthink things and, what's the word Clint uses, cockblock himself. "Yes. All of that."

A slow grin blossoms over Tony's face and he tugs Steve in for a kiss, right there in the hallway where one of the guys from admin runs into a doorway for looking too long. "Square deal," says Tony with a wink. "I know the perfect place."

"Let's get cleaned up first?" asks Steve, aware of the state of himself, his uniform, and now, acutely, his penis. "I promise no khakis."

Tony laughs and takes his hand, and Steve wonders if he should send that villain a thank you note. 

Maybe on day five.


End file.
